Visitation
by detectivecaz
Summary: M took a deep breath trying to get her emotions under control. For once she didn't know how to handle a situation, and it made her feel vulnerable.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Tissue warning just in case._

* * *

Chapter 1

M was roused from sleep at hearing James' voice call out to her in the darkness. Opening her eyes, she sat up and looked around her bedroom; her eyes stopping on the shadowed figure standing at the side of her bed.

"How the hell did you get in?"

"The same way I always do." His voice held amusement, but it wasn't the same tone she was used to hearing. There was an underlying of sadness in his words.

M dismissed it, and looked instead to the clock on the bedside table; the red digits displaying 22:00 hours.

"You had best have a bloody good explanation for why you are here, James." She switched on the bedside lamp.

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Let's hear…" Her words died in her throat at seeing James' blood soaked clothes, and the various cuts and bruises covering his face.

"What the hell happened?"

"Car accident. It's nothing I won't heal from." James sat next to her on the bed.

M didn't believe him. "Maybe so. But I want you checked out. Were there any other casualties?"

"No, I bore the brunt of it. And you will be surprised to know it wasn't my fault for a change." He gave her a small smile.

"First time for everything I suppose." She threw back the covers, and was about to get out of bed when James' hand on her arm stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

"To get the first aid kit. I'm not having you bleeding over my bed."

"Leave it, M. I'll be fine. I am a blunt instrument after all."

She remembered saying those words to him. It seemed so long ago now, and he had learned since she had first promoted him his double-0 status. Too bad the same couldn't be said about his egotistical attitude. It had caused her more problems than she had cared to admit.

"That was a long time ago, James…"

"It was true though. But that aside, there was another reason I came here. Other than your nursing abilities."

M narrowed her eyes, wondering where he was going with this. "I see. Care to elaborate?"

His hand glided down her arm to take her hand in his. M felt a shiver go through her body as his cold hand made contact with her own. She wanted to pull away, and create as much distance as she could between them. But, something reflecting in his pale blue eyes held her in place.

"You mean a great deal to me, M. I need you to know that. You gave me chance after chance; never giving up on me when you had every right to."

"Where are you going with this, James?" she softly asked him.

"Truthfully, I was hoping to ask you out on a date."

"You can't be serious? I'm old enough to be your mother for Christ's sake."

James laced his fingers through hers. "My feelings towards you are anything but motherly, M. I can assure you."

"I think that crash made you lose all rational thought."

James shook his head fondly. "Quite the opposite in fact."

"How long?" She tried to keep her voice level.

"Honestly?"

M gave a nod, unable to speak as she tried to wrap her head around this conversation.

"Remember when I blew up the Nambutu embassy, and you came home to find me in your apartment?"

"How could I forget? I still haven't figured out how you managed to get my username and password."

James gave a smirk. "I have my ways, but hacking aside, that night when you lectured me on proper code and conduct, I couldn't take my eyes off you. You were beautiful, and still are."

"You loved Vesper. You even handed in your resignation."

"I thought I did. Now, thinking back on it, she was more or less a replacement for you. I knew if I had told you then, you wouldn't have believed me. Christ, you were still married at the time. Then your husband passed, and then you were almost killed by Mitchell, and I thought I was going to lose you. I nearly did. That thought hurt me more than any injury ever could."

"When I ordered you not to let revenge cloud your judgement. That wasn't just because of Vesper's death was it?"

He gave her a sad smile. "No. I was more driven to bring down White and Quantum because they tried to kill you. I may not have loved Vesper as I thought I did, but that didn't mean she deserved to die either. When I met with you at the hotel in Bolivia, I saw the distrust in your eyes as I entered that room, then after I met you in the corridor, your eyes held a trace of fear. I may be a foolish bastard…"

M gave a scoff. "That much is certain."

"But, I would never hurt you. I wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you more than anything." He softly traced her face with his other hand, seeing her disbelief at his words.

"I don't think you actually realise how hard it is for me day in and out to keep a professional relationship between us, M."

"Then why come here and tell me all this tonight, James?"

"I couldn't keep my feelings a secret from you any longer. I know it's too early to mean anything…"

M looked away from him, not ready to hear those three little words, when they weren't even in a relationship. She felt his hand under her chin as he tilted her head up, felt her heart thumping against her chest.

"But, I want you to know in case anything happens to me. After all, Double-0s have a short life expectancy." He tried to humour her.

"Perhaps for some, but you have proven to me on more than one occasion, resurrection seems to be a hobby of yours."

"I do have a knack for it." He gave her a smile. "But, hobbies aside, I want you to know… that I love you, M and I meant every word I just said. I'll always care for you and if you agree... I would really like to take you out on that date."

M saw the love and hopeful look on his bruised face as he waited for her answer.

"For once, James, I don't know what to say?"

"The truth is always a start."

M took a deep breath, trying to get her emotions under control. For the first she could remember, she didn't know how to handle a situation, and it made her feel vulnerable.

"I'm sorry, James, but I can't say those words back to you."

"I never expected them back, M, I just wanted you to know."

M gave a slight nod. "As for an actual relationship, it would be problematic. I'm your boss, James. If I start a relationship with you, how am I supposed to do my job when we both know I will have to send you out in the field with life or death situations…?"

"You would manage, M. I don't believe for one second your feelings for me would jeopardise a mission." He traced her bottom lip with his thumb.

"Even if you had to make a judgement call, and it got me killed. I would never blame you, and I wouldn't expect you to blame yourself."

"That's easier said than done, James. "

"I know, but you're a strong woman, M. It's just one of the qualities I admire about you."

"What makes you think I even have feelings for you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"If you didn't, you wouldn't still be sitting here, and you wouldn't have called me James." He looked at her knowingly.

She knew he was right on some level. As she thought back on his words, she realised there was an attraction between them. Sexual or otherwise, she had just chosen to ignore it. She may have shown some fear that day in the corridor upon seeing him, but there was also another feeling that she had to suppress and that was lust. She didn't know what she was thinking. It was unprofessional on her part. Yet, all she thought about on her return to London was James lifting her into his arms as he pinned her against the nearest wall, kissing her passionately, not caring about the consequences.

It was wishful thinking on her part. It was only when Tanner had informed her they were landing that she realised what she had been doing, and felt foolish for thinking it. She would never have thought someone nearly thirty years her junior would want to be anywhere near her, let alone date her. The word even seemed foreign to her. The last date she had been on was with her late husband two weeks before he had passed. She never thought she would be asked out on another one; especially by one of her agents. In particular, the one who was sitting on her bed injured and had just admitted he loved her.

It scared her. Her husband had been dead for little over a year, and he was the last person tell her those three words. There was no denying her feelings for James. They had always been there. She knew jumping straight into a relationship would never work, despite their feelings. But, maybe she could give him one date to see how it would go; then go from there. If it went further, ground rules would have to be set.

"Well… what's your answer?" James asked.

"Before I give my answer, I want to clarify that if anything happens between us, it doesn't interfere with work, and we take it one day at a time. That means not breaking into my apartment at all hours."

"I can accept those terms," he told her softly. "I take it your answer is yes?"

"What do you think?" She smiled.

"I think you have just made my night."

"Good. Now let me clean those cuts."

James shook his head. "I'll take care of it myself, M. Get some rest," he said quietly, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

She felt goose bumps crawl over her body at the simple action. "When do you plan on this date, James? "

James pulled away from her, and smiled. "Someday. You can let me know when you're ready, and I'll be there to pick you up."

"All right. Take the next few days off to heal, or at least get those cuts looked at."

"I promise. Now got to sleep. I can let myself out." He let go of her hand, and stood up.

"The amount of times you break in I should hope so."

He turned, and gave her a sad smile as he switched off her lamp. "Goodbye, M."

M felt him give her one last kiss on the forehead, before she watched him leave her room. Lying back down, she closed her eyes, and fell into a light sleep.

/*\\*/*\

The sound of M's phone ringing caused the older woman to groan. Opening her eyes, she looked at the clock; noticing it was just going on 22:30. Reaching over to the bedside cabinet, she picked up her mobile, seeing Tanner's caller ID.

"This had better be important, Tanner."

 _'Ma'am, I don't know how to tell you this because I can hardly believe it myself.'_

M sat up in bed, hearing the sadness, and disbelief in Tanner's voice.

"Tell me what?"

 _'Ma'am…'_

"For God's sake, Tanner, just tell me!" she told him, frustrated as she waited for a straight answer.

It was only when she heard Tanner say the two words she hoped she would never have to hear, that she understood his hesitancy in answering her question.

 _'Bond's dead.'_

M sat there stunned, hardly believing what she was hearing as Tanner told her the details.

 _'We received a call informing us that at 22:00 hours there was a car accident with one casualty involved. The drivers license they found was Bond's.'_

"That's impossible, Tanner. He was with me at that exact time."

M felt a lump at the back of her throat. There had to be a mistake.

 _'He died on impact, M. It was unlikely he was there with you.'_

"I need you to pick me up. I need to see to see for myself."

 _'M, I don't think…'_

"I don't care what you think, Tanner. I gave you an order!"

 _'Very well, Ma'am; I'll be there in twenty minutes.'_

M hung up the call, and dropped the phone onto the bed, as she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. She looked around her room for any sign of him, but her apartment was silent.

Throwing back the covers, she turned on her lamp, got out of bed, and quickly got dressed. The same two words _'Bond's dead'_ kept repeating in her head. She felt as if she was losing her mind. He had spoken to her. He had even kissed her.

Once dressed, she sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands, waiting for Tanner to arrive. She thought back to their conversation, trying to fit the pieces together. His insistence that she left his wounds alone, and the feeling of his cold hand in hers. But what really stood out was how he had told her he was in a car accident. That wasn't his fault. It couldn't have been him in the car. He had been here; it was impossible. Perhaps they had got the details mixed up.

She jumped slightly at the sudden knock at her door. Standing up, she heard Tanner's voice from the other side. Grabbing her keys from the hook on the wall, she tried turning the door, noticing it was still locked. Unlocking, it she tried to compose herself, before opening the door.

"Are you ready, Ma'am?"

"Yes. Let's get this over with."

She closed and locked the door behind her, making, then they made their way to Tanner's car.

"Where was the accident?" she asked quietly.

"Twenty minutes from your house."

Tanner held the car door open for her as she got in. With the injuries she saw, it was highly unlikely he'd walked to her house. He must have got a taxi. It was plausible.

"You don't have to do this, Ma'am. "

"I need to, Tanner. Otherwise I'm going to go crazy."

Tanner gave a sigh, and started the car. He couldn't help worrying when she had told him Bond was with her at the time of the crash. It was realistically impossible. He'd seen the body for himself. It was Bond's.

"How did it happen?"

"From what we can gather, Bond was at the junction, and had just pulled out as the lorry was coming in the opposite direction. The lorry driver was intoxicated, M. He fell asleep at the wheel, foot still on the pedal. If it wasn't for Bond, we may have been looking at more casualties. His car took the brunt of the impact."

M looked out the car window. Her hope of James being alive looked slimmer with each passing second.

"I don't know what to tell you, M. If he had survived, the chances of him getting to your house would have been impossible," Tanner told her with regret.

"That still doesn't change the fact that I know what I saw and heard, Tanner. How do you explain that?"

Tanner had no answer for her. Truth of the matter was he didn't know. Or rather, he refused to believe what she saw.

Ten minutes later, Tanner parked the car inside the mortuary car park. M wordlessly got out and took a few deep breaths, as she felt Tanner wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"Come on. Let's get this over with."

M let Tanner guide her to the entrance, each step mirrored her heart as it slowly broke piece by piece.

Upon entering the building, M looked around at the small office area as she let Tanner do the talking. After a few moments, they were led to an elevator that took them down to the basement. As the doors opened, the corridor in front of them filled M with dread. She felt like a prisoner on death row as they walked towards the electric double doors.

M felt a shiver go through her at the drop in temperature. The overwhelming smell of death and antiseptic overtook her senses. They were led into a room that contained vast metal vaults. Looking at the number on the drawer, she could just imagine James smug grin and remark if he saw it. As the coroner pulled the metal tray out, she closed her eyes not wanting to see that familiar face behind the white sheet.

"Ma'am."

"I'm fine, Tanner. Give me a moment."

Counting to three, she opened her eyes to see James lying on the metal slab in front of her; unmoving. Taking a few steps forward, she could feel more tears fill her eyes as she looked down at the man who had declared his love for her only an hour ago. With a shaky hand, she reached out and ran her fingers through the short strands of hair, looking for any hint of a smile or his eyes opening.

"It was quick, M. He wouldn't have suffered."

Suffered or not, it didn't lessen the ache she was feeling knowing he was gone.

"Can you give me a few moments?" Trying hard not to let her voice break at the simple request.

"Of course, Ma'am. We'll be outside."

She kept her attention on James, not wanting Tanner to see her like this. When the door closed, she finally let her tears fall, knowing he wasn't coming back to her this time. Stroking the side of his face with the back of her hand, she felt the same coldness she had earlier. She had never believed in the paranormal or visitations by loved ones, but this was the only explanation she had for what she had experienced.

"I thought we agreed on resurrection being your hobby, James?" She gave a sad smile. "It would really come in handy right now."

There was no witty remark from the man in front of her, or amusement in his eyes, which remained closed. Her tears continued to flow. It wasn't supposed to end like this. There had always been the chance of losing him on a mission, or from those stunts of his, but losing him because of a drunk driver was the last thing she expected.

His behaviour during their conversation was starting to make sense. She recalled the sadness in his voice as he told her goodbye. At the time, she thought nothing of it, but now she knew it was final. She would never again hear his voice, or witness his smug attitude whenever she reprimanded him on protocol. There would be no more unexpected visits from him, and no date that he had promised her. Their relationship had ended before it had started.

"You told me earlier… that you would never hurt me, James." She bit her lip to muffle her cries. "But, right now- that's exactly what you're doing."

She wasn't aware of anything around her, wishing it was a dream. "I need you to come back to me… we still need to go on that date you were adamant to take me on." She gave a teary laugh.

"You said… you would be there when I was ready. But, how can you… You've left me, James."

The emptiness she felt was suffocating. "I may not have been able to tell you those three words… but I want you to know… that I eventually would have."

"Ma'am, we need to go."

She took one last look at James; knowing this would be the last time she would get to see him. Leaning down she closed her eyes, and brushed a tender kiss to his cold forehead.

"Goodbye, James," she whispered softly.

Standing up, she brushed her tears away, then walked past Tanner and out of the room. She got halfway up the corridor when she heard Tanner's worried voice call out to her. Stopping in her tracks, she heard his hurried footsteps behind her, before stopping next to her.

"M…"

"He's dead, Tanner." She looked at him with tear stained eyes. "I expected it at some point, but not like this."

Tanner didn't know what to say. He could feel his own grief at the situation. He had known James before he became a Double-0, and he had always seemed indestructible. The last few years weren't any different.

"I need to write his obituary, Tanner. What do you say about a man like that?"

"The truth. Though to be fair, Ma'am… he would probably hate it."

"Probably, but we'll never know will we?"

"No." He had never seen M look so lost. Not even when her husband had passed. "Let's get you home."

M simply gave a nod as the two left the coroner's office never looking back. As Tanner pulled outside M's house, he saw her reluctance to leave as she looked at the building.

"Will you be all right, Ma'am?" he asked worriedly, not wanting to leave her alone.

"I'll be fine, Tanner," she replied quickly, as she got out the car, slamming the door behind her.

Tanner watched as she fumbled to get the key in the lock, and got out after her.

"Let me, Ma'am. "

"I can manage!" She finally got the door unlocked, and stepped inside; looking down the dark hallway, expecting to see James' familiar figure standing in the shadows.

"I'm not leaving until I know you are going to be all right."

She turned to him annoyed that he couldn't just leave her. "I can look after myself, Tanner!"

"It will give me peace of mind, M."

M left the door open for him as she walked into the living room, hearing Tanner close the door behind him. Switching on the light, she went to her drinks cabinet, poured a double scotch into a glass, drinking it one swallow.

Tanner watched from the doorway as she poured herself another, before taking a seat on the sofa.

"Help yourself. James always did," she told him bitterly.

Tanner took a seat next to her. "When you said Bond was with you before I called. What exactly occurred?" He looked at her from the corner of his eye waiting for an answer.

"Why? You didn't believe me earlier," she replied, staring at the wall in front of her.

"Would you?"

She narrowed her eyes, knowing Tanner had a point. "No. But, I know what I saw, Tanner." She turned to look at him. "I don't know how to explain it."

M placed her glass on the table, the urge to drink away her grief no longer appealed to her.

"There must have been a reason for it, M, and I think you finally know what it was. You haven't called him Bond at all tonight."

M closed her eyes, wishing he would just leave it alone. Every time she thought about James and their conversation, she could feel the sting of new tears fill her eyes. The touch of Tanner's hand on her arm caused a stray tear to fall.

"Take your time, M," he spoke quietly, watching as she tried to compose herself.

He sat patiently, listening to M tell him everything about her conversation with Bond. He wasn't surprised about Bond admitting his feelings for her; he already had guessed James saw M as more than a boss. From the small looks, and their conversations in debriefings, as well as Bond breaking into her home on a regular basis. When she told him about the date, he was slightly surprised. He never took James for the dating type. But, then again he only knew about the agent, not the man behind the number. It made him realise he, didn't know James as well as he thought he did.

"He told me he loved me, Tanner." She looked at him, heartbroken.

Tanner's eyes widened in surprise, he thought it was more of an infatuation on Bond's part, but this… this changed things.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him… I couldn't say the same words back."

He heard the crack in her voice, and pulled her into his arms, feeling her body shake as she silently cried into his shoulder.

"Sh… I've got you, M," he whispered, trying to blink away his own tears.

There was no doubt in his mind now that her conversation with Bond did occur, but there was a chance she could have dreamed the full thing on a subconscious level.

Tanner simply held her, offering what comfort he could to his grieving boss. He was used to seeing her cold and stoic personality on a daily basis, that he never thought much of her emotional state. She was always able to hide what she was feeling, except perhaps from Bond.

He didn't know how much time had passed, before her tears subsided and she pulled out of his embrace.

"I'm sorry, Tanner… that was unprofessional." She tried to clean her tear stained eyes, feeling embarrassed that she had broken down in front of her Chief of Staff of all people. She must look a right state.

"No need to apologise, M. You have every right as the rest of us to cry now and again."

She gave a bitter chuckle. "I'm not anyone, Tanner. I know all about the nicknames people have for me at Six."

"That was sometime ago, M. They have come to respect you as well as your methods." He could tell M didn't believe him, and why would she when he had called her a few of those name's himself when she wasn't around.

"If you say so." She felt too tired to argue. "I think you should go home, Tanner. Get some rest, you're going to need it."

Tanner refused to move, he wasn't going anywhere with her in this state. "I'll take the couch. And before you say anything, it's because I'm too tired to drive."

She knew he was lying, but she couldn't stop the slight relief she felt when he refused to go.

"Fine. The spare room is set up so you can either sleep there or take the couch."

"Couch is fine."

"Very well." She stood up and walked out of the room, only to return a few minutes later with a pillow and duvet.

Tanner watched as she placed the items on the arm of the couch, before muttering a goodnight as she left the room. The sound of her bedroom door closing caused Tanner to sit back and close his eyes as he tried not to think about what the coming days would bring.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning Tanner and M walked through Six, hearing the mumblings of surrounding personnel as they spoke about Bond's death. She picked up the pace to her office, not wanting to hear any more about it. Ignoring Moneypenny, she walked into her office and closed the door behind her.

Tanner stopped at Moneypenny's desk as he looked at M's door, debating whether or not to see if she was all right. He decided to give her space rather than crowd round her. She hadn't spoken a word to him all morning. If anything, she was acting as if nothing had happened, and the thought troubled him.

"Is it true, Tanner?"

He looked to Moneypenny, seeing the tear tracks running down her face.

"Yes."

"I always thought James was indestructible."

"We all did."

"How is she?" Moneypenny asked him softly.

"Truthfully, not great. When I called her informing her of his death. She told me Bond was with her at the exact time he died."

"You don't think…"

"Either that or she dreamed their full conversation."

"Maybe not… well she did… but it wasn't."

Tanner looked at her confused. "What do you mean?"

"I've never believed in it myself, but when someone dies - it has been claimed that people have had dreams about that family member, or loved one who comes to give them a message of some sort."

It certainly explained a few things in Tanner's mind. "So, he had unfinished business?" He watched as she quickly typed away on the computer keyboard.

"In a way. Look."

Tanner walked round to the other side of the desk, and looked at the web page on the screen. He had never heard of dream visitations, but they seemed to be quite common. The more he read, the more he realised this is what M probably experienced.

 _'A visitation dream is a dream in which a paranormal entity interacts or communicates with a person. Most visitation dreams are the result of a deceased human being. They are several common elements of a visitation dream that usually makes them easy to identify.'_

As Tanner read each of the traits, everything started to make sense. Nearly everything listed was what M had experienced.

 _A vivid dream that felt like reality; a strong feeling that the person was real; the deliverance of an important message; physical touch and a sense of intense emotion._

Tanner didn't know what to say, as he tried to take in what he had just read.

"It may have Bond's way of telling M his feelings for her so he could pass on."

"What do you mean?" He looked at her.

Moneypenny gave him a sad smile. "I know you know, Tanner. I have always suspected James had strong feelings for M, and this proves my theory."

Tanner wasn't surprised she had an inkling. "He asked her for a date." He turned back to the screen. "M told me… that when she had asked him when he had planned on having their date. He told her someday, and he would be there when she was ready."

"What are you thinking, Tanner?"

He gave her a meaningful look. "That I'm just starting to realise what Bond's answer actually meant."

/*\\*/*\

M sat in her office, staring at James' photo on her computer monitor; her fingers poised over the keyboard trying to decide what to write. She had meant what she said to Tanner, she didn't know what to say about him. What exactly could she say? Everything she had typed seemed meaningless which caused her to promptly delete it. The fact of the matter was, she had nothing, despite all he had done for Queen and Country. Then there was the matter of his funeral; she would have to arrange a date for it.

Looking once more at his picture, she started to detail the life of James Bond. It proved harder than she could have imagined, both parents dead, essentially making him an orphan if it wasn't for his aunt adopting him. After she had died, James had, had no family left. He had no family ties, which was one of the reasons he had made a good recruit. His career was only slightly easier to write, detailing how he achieved the rank of Commander, which eventually led to a Principal Officer in the Civil Service. While she couldn't go into much detail, she decided she could sum up what he had achieved as his time as a Double-0.

As she read over the paragraph, she decided it summed up him up well, even though she knew he would hate it. Especially given the last sentence.

 _He performed with outstanding bravery and distinction, although occasionally, through an impetuous strain in his nature, and a streak of the foolhardy that brought him in conflict with higher authority._

It wasn't far from the truth. She had lost count of the times she had, had to defend him from the Minister and the rest of the arse-covering prigs. They had got what they wanted. They wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. She decided to quickly wrap it up, not wanting to spend another minute on the document. Finishing the last paragraph, she saved the document, and brought up his file. She had never thought she would have to change his status, not even when he had handed in his resignation.

Changing his record to deceased, she turned off her computer. It was the worst part of this job, informing families that their loved one was dead. Except James had no one to inform. It was days like this, that she often wondered what her life would have been like if she had never took this job. She would have been able to spend more time with her husband, without any secrets between them. Her husband had lived with the fact that her job came first before them, yet he had chosen to stay with her. Then she had lost him, but somehow it had been James who'd managed to keep her sane through it all, giving her the normalcy that she'd needed. Now he was gone, the normalcy was gone, too.

M knew the remaining years she had in this job wouldn't be the same as they once were. She knew she couldn't do this job forever, but that didn't mean she was ready to retire just yet. Someone had to keep her wayward agents in line, because she didn't expect anyone else to. Except perhaps one person, but they weren't ready for the job just yet, no matter how much trusted them. She decided to worry about the decision later. First she had to get James' funeral over with. That alone was going to prove harder than any hearing she had been called to.

A hesitant knock on her office door brought her out of her thoughts. "Come in."

"I thought you could do with some tea, Ma'am."

"Thank you." She gave the younger woman a forced smile as she placed the cup on her desk.

"You're welcome, Ma'am."

"How are you, Moneypenny?"

"Shocked, upset, angry… I'm still trying to take it all in."

"I still can't believe it myself. Do we know what is going to happen to the drunk driver responsible?"

"From what we know, he has been charged with involuntary manslaughter while driving under the influence of alcohol. He could be sentenced to seven years imprisonment for negligence."

"That's something at least," M told her quietly. She knew he would likely only serve half his sentence. He would get out and live the rest of his life, if you could call it a life knowing you were responsible for someone's death.

"Will you be all right?"

"I will be, Moneypenny. Now if that's everything… I have funeral preparations that needs to be taken care of."

Moneypenny gave a nod, and left M's office. Closing the door behind her, she sat at her desk and stared blankly at the files on her desk. She was dreading his funeral herself, it would be then that it would finally sink in that he wasn't coming back; no matter how much they wanted him to. All they would have in the end would be memories of the man that was once James Bond.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

M stood looking at herself in the mirror, smoothing down her black dress. She was dreading this day, and had been ever since she saw James body in the morgue four days ago. Tanner and Moneypenny had been walking eggshells around her causing her to become frustrated at the sad looks they would give her whenever she was in their presence. The minister and other officials weren't helping much either, giving their condolences, which were no doubt rehearsed. They didn't mean anything to her. They didn't know him; they all viewed him as a thorn in their side that needed to be taken care of.

Turning away from the mirror, she looked at the clock on the bedroom cabinet, and saw that it was going on 10:30 a.m. The funeral was scheduled for 11:00; having decided she needed to get it all over as quickly as possible. Looking back in the mirror, she took a deep breath and walked over to her bed. She has just finished putting on her coat when there was a knock at the door. Picking up her bag, she left her bedroom, and answered the front door to see Tanner dressed in black.

"Are you ready, Ma'am?"

"As I'll ever be. Let's get this over with."

Tanner gave a nod as the two of them walked towards the black BMW that was waiting for them. Tanner held the door open for her as she got in, then made his way to the passenger side.

"Morning Ma'am." Moneypenny tried to give her a smile.

"Moneypenny."

The journey to the cemetery was made in silence, as each of them got in their own thoughts. M was dreading seeing the minister and the other officials there; if it were up to her she would have kept them away, but alas, she had no say in the matter thanks to bloody protocol.

She heard sniffling beside her, and turned to see Moneypenny trying to wipe away the tears that were starting to fall. It would be a hard day for all of them not just her. She was not normally one for showing affection to her staff, but seeing the younger woman in tears made it hard for her not to let her own tears fall. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out a tissue and handed it to Moneypenny who took it, giving M a look of gratitude.

"I don't know what came over me, we aren't even there yet." She fiddled with the tissue in her hand.

M reached out, and put a comforting hand on top of hers. "No, we aren't… but you are still allowed to be upset."

"It doesn't seem real. All of this."

"No, it doesn't." M agreed looking out the window. 'Yet here we are,' she thought bitterly.

The car pulled into the City of London Cemetery and stopped outside the church. The area was already busy with government personnel, and close friends that had known James, arriving and making their way into the building.

M, Moneypenny, and Tanner got out the car, and followed everyone else into the church, the three of them taking their seats in the front row. She looked at the coffin in front of her, covered with the British flag, feeling a pang in her heart as she thought of the man inside.

Once everyone was seated, the service began. M kept staring at the coffin, not registering the world around her. She felt suffocated. She did not remember feeling this bad at her husband's funeral and she had been married to the man for thirty-five years.

Feeling a series of jabs in her arm, she came out of her thoughts, and turned to Moneypenny with a confused look.

"You've been asked to say a few words."

She looked towards the minister who was giving her a small smile of encouragement. Standing up, she ascended the steps, and then walked over to the podium. Looking around at the guests that had gathered, she saw that many were crying, while most had a look of sadness on their faces. Her eyes caught the minister's, who looked indifferent about the situation. In fact, to her, he almost looked bored at having to be here.

Trying to keep her anger in check, she took a deep breath and started to speak; surprised that her voice remained steady despite what she was feeling inside.

"We all knew this day would come eventually, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that we never expected it to be quite so soon. Many of you who knew James would know he wouldn't want a fuss, so I will keep this short."

"You are all here because you knew James as either a friend, or colleague. Maybe even both. He had an impact on your life in some way or another, and whether that impact was with good intentions or not, you knew you could rely on him."

"We may have had our differences, but he was one of my best agents. Although his methods were somewhat questionable, James was someone who you could trust. I know, having put my trust in him on more than one occasion. He would do his duty for Queen and Country, putting his life on the line to ensure this country was safe."

"Many who shall remain nameless, disapproved of his methods. I was one of them. But despite that, he proved that his dedication was to his job, and he planned to succeed by any means necessary. Those of you, who have worked with him, will no doubt know this. I've lost an agent and you have lost a friend and colleague. James would want us to move on with our lives and not hang on to the past."

"However, that being said, we can cherish the memories we have of him. In those, he will live on."

Looking down, she tried to rein in her emotions, before looking back out at the mourners.

"I just have one more thing to say, and that is… James had a philosophy in life, and it's only now that I am starting to understand what he meant. I think the following is from Jack London…

"The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.

"I think we can all assume that James lived to that philosophy right up until his death. Life goes on, but our memories… our memories of James will remain."

M bowed her head, and quickly walked back to her seat, trying to keep her tears from falling. She would rather do that in the privacy of her own home. She listened to the Minister give a well-rehearsed speech about James' life in the service, and wanted to slap him then and there. He had a bloody cheek, when she knew inside he was probably gloating.

When he finished, M watched as he walked past her giving her a smile, which caused M's blood to boil. She gave him a scathing look, and promptly ignored him, not wanting to cause a scene.

The rest of the service passed without incidence, as the congregation made their way to the cemetery. Tanner had his arms wrapped around Moneypenny's shoulders as she silently cried. M walked beside them, looking ahead rather than to the woman crying beside her, knowing it would cause her own tears to fall.

Standing around the plot, M watched as James' coffin was lowered into the ground as the minister finished saying his last prayer. She looked up, and saw the sun start to shine over his plot, causing her to give a small smile.

She remained at the grave, as the guests said their final goodbyes to James until it was just herself, Moneypenny, and Tanner left.

"We'll give you a few moments, Ma'am, " Tanner said to her softly.

"Thank you. I won't be long."

Tanner gave her a nod, and led Moneypenny back to the car. She waited until they were a good distance away before she turned back to James' plot.

There was no headstone yet, and she felt a little silly talking to a hole in the ground, but to be honest… she didn't really care. Picking up some dirt, she looked down at the coffin, letting the dirt fall through her fingers.

"There isn't much else for me to say to you, James. Other than I'm holding you to that date when I next see you. Until then, try not to cause too much trouble wherever you are. Goodbye, James."

M looked once more at the coffin, and slowly started to walk back to the waiting car. She was no more than a few steps when she felt as if someone was watching her. Quickening her pace, she neared the car, seeing Tanner standing beside the car door.

"Are you all right, Ma'am?"

"I will be, Tanner." She placed a hand on his arm in thanks, and got into the back seat next to Moneypenny.

"It's over. He's finally gone." Moneypenny sniffed looking at M.

"Yes, but remember what I said Eve - he would want you to move on. Mourn yes, but rather than think about the bad, think about the happier times you had with him."

Moneypenny gave a small laugh. "You're probably right." She dried the last of her tears.

"Do you think we will actually have some peace and quiet now that James won't be blowing up everything in sight?"

"We can only hope. But with this job… anything can happen." M gave Moneypenny a weak smile, then looked out the window, as the car took them back to London and back to reality.

/*\\*/*\

Back at James' grave, the man who had been watching M looked down at the coffin.

"Not to worry, Mr Bond. I will look after Mummy for both of us."

He gave a smirk, and looked in the direction M had walked only a few minutes prior. She would regret leaving him at the hands of the Chinese, but for now he would let her mourn for her precious James. He would get his revenge in time; he had already waited fifteen years, another few months wouldn't hurt.

He wondered if she had told James of their past. It didn't matter. She would be thinking on her sins soon enough. And he looked forward to when that day would finally come.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Just the epilogue left to go after this chapter. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed, means a lot._

* * *

Chapter 4

Six months had passed since James' death, and life had gone back to normal for M. Well, up until only a few weeks ago, when she had managed to lose a hard drive with every NATO agent embedded in terrorist organisations, her office had been blown up, and now she was currently facing a public inquiry about her ability to do her job. They had already suggested voluntary retirement. She had known this time would come eventually, she couldn't exactly do this job forever, but she would be damned if she left before this mess was cleaned up.

After her meeting with Mallory, last week, she knew who they wanted to be the next in line for her job and if he thought he would get it, he would be sorely mistaken. She already knew whom she wanted for her replacement, and she would make certain that they got the job.

She walked down to the cells with Tanner by her side, having fifteen minutes to spare before she had to go to the hearing. As she approached the cell doors, she waited a few moments to compose herself, before signalling the agent to open the door to let her into the room.

She only took a few steps when she felt her throat dry up at seeing Tiago in the cell in front of her.

"You're smaller than I remember." He gave a chuckle.

M stopped a good distance from his cell, and kept her attention on him, unfazed by the jibe. "Whereas I barely remember you at all."

"Strange. For me, it feels just like yesterday. Are you surprised?"

"Not particularly. But, then you always were a slippery one."

"Maybe that's why you liked me so much." He stared at her.

"You flatter yourself."

Silva gave a sigh, and looked away from her, almost bored. "No remorse. Just as I had imagined."

"Regret is unprofessional."

M tried not to flinch, as his laugh filled the room, before it disappeared, and he looked at her with disbelief.

"Regret is unprofessional? They kept me for five months in a room with no air. They tortured me. And I protected your secrets. I protected you. But they made me suffer. And suffer. And suffer. Until I realised… it was you who betrayed me. You betrayed me."

He looked down at her with hatred, as he spoke his next words.

"So, I had only one thing left. My cyanide capsule in my back left molar. You remember right? So, I broke the tooth and… bit into the capsule. And it… it burned all my insides. But I didn't die. Life clung to me like a disease. "

He got on his knees and gave her a smile.

"And then… I understood why I had survived. I needed to look in your eyes one last time."

"Well, I hope it was worth it." She tried to keep her voice steady determined to show his words had little effect on her.

"Mr Silva, you're going to be transferred to Belmarsh Prison where you'll be remanded in custody until the Crown Prosecution Service deem you fit to stand trial…"

She tried not to take a step back as he stood, all trace of laughter gone.

"Say my name. Say it. My real name… I know you remember it."

M delivered the last blow to him, undeterred by his attitude. He hadn't changed much since she last had dealings with him.

"Your name is on the memorial wall of the very building you attacked. I will have it struck off. Soon your past will be as non-existent as your future. I'll never see you again."

She gave him one last look, and made to leave the room, wanting far away from him as possible.

"Do you know what it does to you? Hydrogen cyanide?"

His words stopped her in her tracks, and she turned round to face him. When he removed the plate from his mouth, showing her the damage wrought by the cyanide, she fought to keep the disgust from showing on her face.

"Look upon your work, mother."

M watched, as he placed the plate back in his mouth, and chuckled to himself.

"You know, it's a pity I never saw that favourite agent of yours. What was his name… ah yes, Mr Bond wasn't it? Such a pity he met a terrible fate. You must miss him terribly, mother."

She quickly walked from the room, hearing his laughter behind her, as the door finally closed. Once she was a good distance away, she placed a hand on the wall, trying to get her emotions under control.

"Ma'am…"

"I'm fine, Tanner. Let's get to that hearing. Hopefully by the time we're back, Q will have managed to recover everything Silva has stored on his computer."

Tanner gave her nod, not wanting to pry further.

"His name was Tiago Rodriguez. He was a brilliant agent."

"Like Bond, then, Ma'am?"

"No. He may have been a brilliant agent, Tanner, but he started operating beyond his brief, hacking into the Chinese. The handover was coming up and they were onto him, so I gave him up. I got six agents in return and a peaceful transition."

M looked at him, searching his face, and wondered what he was thought about her admission.

"I don't regret what I did, Tanner. These past few weeks prove just how dangerous a threat he really is. We can't have him free. He has already done enough damage."

"I think you made the right call, Ma'am. Even if others don't agree."

"You're a good man, Tanner. I couldn't have picked a better person for my Chief of Staff. I want you to know that."

Tanner gave a nod, trying to hide his embarrassment at her praise. "We should go, Ma'am. Board of Inquiry begins in thirty minutes."

The two of them walked to the car that was waiting for them, as Tanner thought over their brief conversation. To him it sounded almost as if she was telling him goodbye in her own way. And the thought of losing her, soon after Bond terrified him. He put the thought in the back of his mind; he was probably worrying over nothing.

/*\\*/*\

Tanner clenched his hands into fists as Clare Dower started to attack M on her inability to do her job. They weren't even giving her a chance to defend herself. He now realised this must be how she felt every time she had to meet with them over Bond. His admiration for her went up a notch. If they had to stay here much longer he was going to go insane himself.

It was only when Mallory cut in that he gave the man a look of gratitude as M finally got a chance to speak. He looked at M, as she sat looking at the panel in front of her; calm, cool and collected, not letting any of them intimidate her.

"Chairman, Ministers. Today I've repeatedly heard how irrelevant my department has become. 'Why do we need agents, the Double-0 section? Isn't it all antiquated?' Well, I suppose I see a different world than you do, and the truth is, that what I see frightens me. I'm frightened because our enemies are no longer known to us. They do not exist on a map. They're not nations. They are individuals. Look around you. Who do you fear? Can you see a face? A uniform? A flag? No! Our world is not more transparent now. It's more opaque! It's in the shadows. That's where we must do battle. So before you declare us irrelevant, ask yourselves, how safe do you feel?"

Tanner tried not to smirk as she rendered the full panel speechless. Looking to his laptop, he noticed the alert from Q informing him Silva had escaped. He looked to M, who gave him a knowing look, before she continued speaking.

"Just one more thing to say, my late husband was a great lover of poetry, and I suppose some of it sunk in, despite my best intentions."

Tanner discretely looked around the room for the exits, trying to find the best way to get M out of there.

M continued, "And here today, I remember this, I believe, from Tennyson: We are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are. One equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield!"

No sooner had M finished the last sentence of Tennyson than the courtroom doors burst open, and the room was filled with gunfire. M stood and turned to look at Silva who had his gun raised, finger poised on the trigger, ready to shoot. Tanner, not thinking twice, grabbed M, and pulled her to the ground.

Tanner looked up at Silva, who gave him a smirk as he looked down at them, ready to take another shot. The resounding bang caused Tanner's eyes to widen as Silva fell to the floor, a bullet in his skull.

"Are you both all right?"

Tanner looked to his right to see Mallory, with a smoking gun in his hand, looking down at Silva's body with no remorse.

"I think so," Tanner replied, then turned to M noticing she still hadn't moved.

"M?" He moved slightly causing her to let out a whimper in pain.

Gently laying her on the floor, he checked her over, noticing the dark stain that was covering her navy dress. Placing his hand over her chest, he put pressure on the wound, causing M to let out a moan.

The gunfire seemed to be dying down, and he looked around for help.

"Tanner!"

He looked over to see Mallory looking down at them with a grave face.

"Phone for an ambulance!" He tried to say with much authority as he could.

"Tanner…"

He looked down to see M looking up at him with pain filled eyes.

"You'll be fine, M. You still need to keep those arse covering prigs in line after all."

"I think… that's someone else's… job now."

Tanner could feel the tears in his eyes. "You still have a few more years left in you yet."

Tanner saw her fighting to keep her eyes open.

"I'm cold..."

"You'll be fine." He didn't know who he was trying to reassure, he just knew she had to live.

She gave him a weak smile. "I think … I'm finally ready for… that date."

Tanner felt the tears stream down his face, seeing the light leave her eyes, as she stopped breathing. Closing her eyes, he pulled her into his arms.

"Tell Bond I say hi, M." He whispered to her softly, as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

He saw the paramedics rush towards them. It didn't matter; he knew they were too late. She was already gone.

/*\\*/*\

M looked around her, as she found herself in her old office at Six.

"Hello, Olivia."

She turned towards the doorway, seeing her husband standing there just as he had looked before he died.

"Robert?"

"I was hoping I wouldn't see you here for a few more years yet." He gave her a smile, as he walked towards her.

"It seems fate had other ideas."

He gave a laugh, and pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes, realising how much she missed his embrace since his passing.

"There is someone else here who wants to see you," he whispered softly into her hair.

She pulled back and looked up at him. "Robert…"

"It's fine, Olivia. I was lucky to have you in my life for thirty-five years. Even though I hoped we would have eternity together… there is someone here who needs you more." He softly caressed her face.

"Trying to move on after you died was hard…"

"I know, and I can't thank James enough for being there for you when I couldn't."

"I still love you, Robert."

"And I love you, but your heart doesn't belong to me anymore. It belongs to James."

He placed a tender kiss on her lips one last time. "You have my blessing, Olivia. However, I did give him a warning. If he hurts you, dead or not, I'll kill him."

She gave a chuckle at the thought.

"Now, you had best get ready for your date. Don't keep the man waiting. I believe he has done enough of that… Don't you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"And where am I exactly supposed to get…"

She looked around noticing she was now in her bedroom.

"What the hell?"

"It takes some time getting used to. You should have seen James' face the first time it happened to him. The man looked like a small kid in a sweet shop."

"That sounds like, James," she told him fondly.

"Quite. Now, get ready. He'll be here soon." Robert placed one last kiss to her forehead. "If you ever need me, Olivia, just call."

M gave him a nod as he disappeared. She didn't think she would ever get used to this. She had never really considered what the afterlife was like, but she never would have imagined it being like this.

Looking at the wardrobe warily, she opened it to see her clothes hanging up as they always were. Taking out a simple, elegant black dress, she quickly undressed, and looked down at her chest, tracing her fingers over where she had been shot, seeing no gunshot wound in sight.

Putting on the dress, she pulled the zip up at the side, and made her way to the mirror. Looking at her reflection, nothing had changed; not that she expected it to. Sighing, she tidied up her make up and fixed her hair. She had just placed her brush on the dresser when she felt a pair of eyes watching her.

"Hello, M."

She turned to see the grinning face of James Bond staring back at her. No cuts or bruises in sight.

"James…"

"I did tell you I would be here to pick you up for that date when you were ready." He walked towards her, smile still in place.

"Yes, you did. You just neglected to mention how it would come about at the time."

She reached out her hand, and softly caressed his face. He placed his hand on top of hers, and kissed the inside of her wrist.

"I always keep my promises, M…"

"Olivia. I think you can call me by my given name now, don't you think?"

"Well, in that case. I always keep my promises... Olivia," he softly told her.

"I know you do. I also remember what you said to me during our conversation that night. And how I couldn't say it back…"

"Olivia…"

She placed a finger to his lips. "Let me finish. I couldn't say it back, because it was too soon, and I was scared of being committed to someone else after losing Robert. However, after Tanner informed me you were dead, it made me realise how much you mean to me."

She looked into his eyes, the same eyes she had wanted to see ever since that fateful day.

"After I spoke with Robert, I think it's now safe for me to say that I love you too, James. And I think it's time you take me on that date."

He wrapped his arms around her, as he leaned down, pressing his lips against hers in a tender kiss.

"I love you too, Olivia." He pressed another kiss to her lips, and held her close, never wanting to let her go.

Olivia sighed contentedly into James' chest. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt this relaxed, but it was a feeling that she could get used to. She couldn't help smiling, knowing she was finally at peace.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Last chapter of this little fic. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed._

* * *

Epilogue

...

 **Three weeks later**

Tanner stood looking down at the two graves, and gave a sad smile. He placed a toy model of an Aston Martin on James' grave.

 _In remembrance of_

 _Commander James Bond_

 _1968 - 2012_

 _I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time._

He didn't think the man would appreciate flowers. Turning to M's grave, he placed a single white rose on the headstone, and read the epitaph. It was simple, knowing M wouldn't want anything extravagant.

In memory of

 _Olivia Mansfield_

 _Born 9th December 1934 - Died 15th November 2012_

 _She gave so much and demanded so little._

The past weeks had been hectic for all of them, as they tried to clear up the mess from Silva while trying to cope with their grief. Moneypenny was inconsolable for days after hearing the news about M. He still couldn't believe it himself.

They still hadn't officially confirmed a new head for Six; his guess would be Mallory. He didn't know how to feel about working under a new boss. Everything was changing, and he only hoped it was for the better.

He felt a presence beside him, and turned to see Moneypenny who placed down her own flowers.

"Do you think they finally got that date, Tanner?"

"Yes, I think they did. Bond wouldn't let her down. He never did when he was alive, and I doubt he would stop now."

"I hope they did," She said wistfully. "Her will was read today."

"I see. And?"

"She left you this." She held out the white envelope to him.

Tanner took it and opened it, pulling out the piece of paper inside.

 _Tanner,_

 _If you are reading this, then I obviously didn't make it. I had hoped to tell you this in person, but I'm afraid this letter will have to suffice._

 _You will be aware that with my death, a new head of SIS will need to be appointed. Usually, I would leave it to the minister. However, this time I will be the one making the decisions. The paperwork has already been filed. It has been for some time._

 _Effective immediately you are now the head of SIS. I trust you to keep everything running smoothly, and try not to let the minister interfere too much. I wouldn't have picked you as my successor if I didn't think you were ready, Tanner. You have proved yourself on more than one occasion. You know everything about Six, and I can rest in peace knowing that SIS is in safe hands._

 _Look after Moneypenny for me, Tanner. I don't have to tell you to treat her with respect, as I know you will. Don't mourn; life has to go on. Enjoy it while you can._

 _I'll be watching from a distance, Tanner, don't let me down. Now, I have that date to prepare for. I'll tell James you both said hi. I'm sure he will appreciate it._

 _Both of you take care; chances are we'll see each other again soon._

 _M_

Tanner held the letter in his hands, hardly believing what he had read.

"What did she say?"

He handed her the letter, and looked towards M's grave in disbelief.

"Well, Tanner, or should I say, M. It looks like you're now the boss." She handed the letter back to him.

"It would seem so."

"I'll give you a moment." She placed a hand on his arm before leaving him.

"I hope you have both found each other again, Ma'am. And I promise I won't let you down."

He felt a small breeze pass through him, and couldn't help smiling. It was all the confirmation he needed to know that both of them had found the happiness and peace they deserved.

He looked at the graves one last time before jogging to catch up with Moneypenny.

"Are you ready for this, Tanner?"

"Of course. I learned from the best."

Moneypenny laughed, as the two of them left the cemetery. Once at the car, Tanner took one last glace, and couldn't help feeling like it was the end. He guessed in a way it was. After all, things change, and friends leave. But life must go on. He knew the coming months would be difficult. But he also knew M and Bond would be there to keep an extra pair of eyes on things. With that thought in his mind, he got in the car and drove towards a new beginning.

* * *

 _"_ _What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."_

 _~ T.S. Eliot_


End file.
